how do i put this without sounding like i understood anything you were going through? (i didn't, no way.) what we went through, losing our twins, was hard, no doubt. for a long time, i wished so much that we had had this chance that you had with maryn. that whatever it was had been caught, that i had gotten to be in a hospital trying anything to keep them in. instead of just a few days of back-and-forth to and from the hospital with no one realizing (how?? still i wonder, how did they not figure it out??? how did i not?) what was happening.
living through these memories with you, feeling the ghost of these feelings you felt, makes me see that that would have been no easy road, either. in some ways (really, many ways) it would have been harder! we made no decisions, difficult or otherwise, regarding the twins' fate. our decisions that night involved what to name them and whether to have them cremated or buried, and where. the decisions, while heartbreaking, were over and done with.
your decisions were momentary. every second could (and often did) bring a new, impossible decision to make. and you made so many right choices. it is awe-inspiring following along with maryn's birth story.
how do i put this without sounding like i understood anything you were going through? (i didn't, no way.) what we went through, losing our twins, was hard, no doubt. for a long time, i wished so much that we had had this chance that you had with maryn. that whatever it was had been caught, that i had gotten to be in a hospital trying anything to keep them in. instead of just a few days of back-and-forth to and from the hospital with no one realizing (how?? still i wonder, how did they not figure it out??? how did i not?) what was happening.
ReplyDeleteliving through these memories with you, feeling the ghost of these feelings you felt, makes me see that that would have been no easy road, either. in some ways (really, many ways) it would have been harder! we made no decisions, difficult or otherwise, regarding the twins' fate. our decisions that night involved what to name them and whether to have them cremated or buried, and where. the decisions, while heartbreaking, were over and done with.
your decisions were momentary. every second could (and often did) bring a new, impossible decision to make. and you made so many right choices. it is awe-inspiring following along with maryn's birth story.