Well, it's done. And I have to say that as awful as it was, I now can see that it is a blessing in disguise. She did need the trach. We just couldn't tell until the doc got in there.
They had to reintubate during the procedure. Well, during her first bronch, he was able to get a 3.5 tube in easily. At the 2nd bronch, he could only get a 3.0 in. Today, the 3.0 wouldn't even work. So, that means that the swelling was still there and actually worse. I guess I kind of look at it like a callous. The ET tube kept rubbing and rubbing on a certain area, so it got bigger. But if you stop messing with the callous for a period of time, it will likely get smaller. That's the hope - the swelling will decrease over the next several months, and she will grow, so that we can get rid of the trach in roughly a year.
And she was breathing so much easier. I thought she was doing fine before, working a little, but not terribly hard. Only now can I appreciate the difference. No more pulling to try to get a full breath in. I can't explain it in words - it was something you just have to see.
So yeah, I'm more confident with our decision. Yes, it's going to suck to have to deal with the extra trach crap. Yes, I still feel completely responsible for putting her through this. Yes, I'm impatient and want her off the vent and in my arms NOW. But if it's what's best for her, then I'll find a way to deal. Very possibly using agave nectar, but still.
I must also say a huge thank you to everyone who sent prayers up for her. Keep 'em coming. They seem to be working. It's weird - going through all this makes me feel completely alone and yet very loved and lucky at the same time. That's because of you, my friends. You don't let me give up. You give me a hug when I need it and a smack of reality when I freak. Thank you.
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