Monday, April 10, 2017


I've been craving to get a sign from my son that he is ok.  I've been waiting to see cardinals or butterflies.  I've been looking for random change on the floor.  Nothing.  It's been so hard not knowing.  Well, I think J realized that now.  But the signs aren't for me, they are for his sister.  J is taking care of his baby sister from the other side.  I have no doubt now.

The first two instances you might write off as a coincidence.  Two months to the day that J passed, I get a phone call from M's ENT.  He's no longer suggesting the massive, 2-3 weeks in the hospital, reconstruction surgery to get her trach out.  He wants to do a simple scope then pull the trach the same day.  We will spend 2-3 days there instead, if all goes well.  Now of course I'm terrified since we will be dealing with her airway (I'm convinced J stopped breathing during or just after a seizure).  But I trust this doc.  And I made him aware of my concerns and the situation.  I believe he wouldn't recommend this if he didn't honestly think it was the best for M.  Did he pick that day?

Stemming from that, once her trach comes out, M won't need a nurse at school.  She'll just need a para.  This is huge.  She's always had a nurse working with her with the educational stuff.  That's what I'm used to.  How's a para going to deal with all of her disabilities?  Well if the rumors are true, I have nothing to worry about.  I've heard that J's para will be M's starting next year.  I adore this woman.  The love she's shown J, the hard work she's done with him, the results she's gotten with him are all beyond my wildest expectations.  I have NO doubt Ms F will do amazing things with M.  Did J intervene?

Honestly, those two I wrote off.  But last night was a no-brainer.  J is watching out for M.

I noticed the same thing a few nights ago but thought nothing of it.  I went to put M to bed last night.  I asked her if she wanted her "necklace" on (PSI collar).  She said no and assumed her sleeping position.  I took that as a "leave me alone and let me go to sleep" hint.  So I did.  I'd take care of the rest later when she needed her meds.

8:30 rolls around.  I get her meds and her water ready and go into her room.  Her blanket is on her.  That happened early this week, but this time it jumped out at me.  I gave her her meds and put her necklace on.  I called to my mom and asked if she had put M's blanket on.  No.  I then went into see my dad.  I asked him the same question, even though I didn't remember him hobbling with his walker to her room.  No. 

At that point, I knew.  J covered M.  Always the big brother.  Always taking care of her.

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