Sunday, July 11, 2010

Dazed and confused.

J had another big seizure.  It was awful.  He was in my arms for the whole thing.  One moment, he was playing "mama, da-mah (that's Jaime for you non-fluent)."  The next moment my beautiful boy was completely rigid, contorted and terrified.  I just kept telling him "mama's here.  Mama's got you."  I wanted to make him feel better.  The whole thing lasted maybe 30 seconds.  I refused to let him go, even afterwards when he was completely unconscious.  He needed his mama.  Moreso, I needed to hold him.  After a call to the doc, David took him in to the ER. 

Well, either there were lots of emergencies, or they were having one hell of a coffee break.  Nearly 2 hours before I got the call from David.  I was not a happy camper.  So here's the plan - after talking to his neuro, we are starting a regiment of Keppra.  I hate the thought of him being on meds, but I don't want him to have to go through that hell again just because Mommy doesn't like drugs.  That's not fair. 

David got home with him right around 10 pm.  I guess he was asking for Mama the whole time.  And the moment I saw him, awake and semi-content, asking for Mama still, I burst into tears.  I don't think I've hugs or kissed him that much since the day he was born.  My precious, precious boy.

Some people might wonder what the big deal is.  Lots of kids have seizures.  Let them run their course, and odds are kids will out-grow them.  I wish it were that easy.  Since we don't have a diagnosis for J, everything hits me like a punch to the stomach.  Is this going to be something that kills him?  That I can't deal with.  I won't.  Not an option.


  1. Tasha in a way I can relate dear. K is an undiagnosed patient. So we never know what is coming our way. It feels like someone rips your stomach out every damn time these kids have something new that happen. I often wonder is this the time she is going to be taken from me. Sucks living like that. Big hugs hun. Keep the seziure journal hun. I am here for you if you need me!